I wouldn’t change one stupid decision
For another five years of life. – LCD Soundsystem
George and Lee walked into Charlie O’s the night before University of Rhode Island’s class of 2011 graduation. The entire week leading up to graduation had been filled with nightly events for seniors all across Narragansett and the surrounding areas. With college classes and finals a thing of the past, the twenty-one year olds of the graduating class had nothing to worry about except who they were going home with that night and where to pregame before the bus took them to the nightly activity. The previous night was the last “official” night of Senior Week, but most of George and Lee’s friends and fraternity brothers had all planned on meeting at Charlie O’s for one last night of college bliss before walking across the stage into the real world in twelve hours.
The two roommates met at Freshman orientation seemingly a lifetime ago. George, a Rhode Island native, took the drive down from Portsmouth for the weekend-long orientation the summer before Freshman year. He knew a handful of High School friends and classmates that would also be freshmen come September, but decided to take his chances and branch out by not rooming with any of them. Although he enjoyed high school and the friends that he had made in third grade that would be accompanying him in the dorms, George thought that rooming with someone new would be a great way to redefine who he was and what the next four years of his life would look like. There were plenty of nights spent with those elementary-turned-high school-turned-college friends, and he by no means wanted to shut anyone out of his life; George just didn’t want to live with any of them. He would meet Lee almost the second he arrived at the familiar campus and the two hit it off immediately.
Lee had just flown in from Colorado for freshmen orientation the day prior. He would be attending URI come September as a member of their baseball team. The only other time Lee had set foot in the state of Rhode Island was during recruitment when he met and finalized all of the paperwork with the head baseball coach and recruitment officer. Here he was, back east for only the second time in his life, ready to play baseball at the collegiate level and also start brand new (like George). Unlike George, who was from the state and knew a handful of high school friends and peers that would be joining him at the South Kingstown campus, Lee was pretty sure he was the only student from the entire Centennial State that would be trekking east to The Ocean State. Lee would constantly joke that he was trading his mountains for the ocean. A little jet-lagged from taking the red-eye the night before, Lee arrived at Freshman Orientation slightly on-edge. However, when he saw George’s similar outward disinterest while also trying to hide genuine enthusiasm, Lee knew that they would become close friends.
After only a few hours at orientation, the two agreed to live together in the dorms come September. They would keep in contact the remainder of the summer leading up to move-in day. While George spent most of Fall Semester in class, spending time with his high school friends, working, and considering rushing a fraternity, Lee was busy with morning workouts, class, practice, and games. The two got along great, but it was hard to find time to enjoy campus life with such differing schedules.
When Lee hurt his arm before his sophomore season, ultimately ending his baseball career, he found that he had more time than he knew what to do with. George had pledged a fraternity in the spring of their freshman year, but rather than living in the house, George and Lee decided to live together once again Sophomore year. Over the next four years, through the ups and downs; as Lee rehabbed his arm and fought with the identity crisis that comes with not being able to play the sport that identified who he was since he was five; and while George navigated the waters of fraternity life, academic life, and figuring out who exactly he wanted to be, their friendship never faltered.
Now, on the eve of graduation, the two were excited, sad, nervous, anxious, and slightly confused about their futures. The only thing they knew for sure was that they wanted to celebrate and enjoy every single second of their last night of college bliss. A few of Lee’s baseball buddies who he kept in touch with were already at the crowded bar when the roommates walked in. A handful of George’s fraternity brothers were over at one of the pool tables and some of his Literature Club friends had a booth in the corner away from most of the craziness. The bar was shoulder to shoulder and was filled with the sounds of cheers, shouts, excitement, music, and “remember when” stories. Lee’s former teammates made the joke that they needed to use their baseball signs just to order a Goddamn beer because of the noise. It took the roommates a solid ten minutes of shouldering their way up to the bar and talking to different circles of acquaintances and friends before they got their two pitchers of Narragansett Lager and waded through the sea of college seniors over to a relatively open spot near one of the pool tables.
“Holy shit. I’ve never seen Charlie Bro’s like this,” George shouted pouring Lee a beer.
“Last night, man. Gotta live it up,” Lee said, toasting to his roommate and best friend.
The two took healthy pulls of their beers and scanned the crowded bar. For as outgoing and friendly as the two were, they both secretly loved being the occasional wallflower and simply people-watch. There were the circles of guys who had no interest in talking to girls and were just trying to get as drunk as possible while they played pool. There were also the flocks of guys that had one thing on their mind: girls. It was made obvious by the tight shirts, gelled hair, odd occasional flexes and bro shouts whenever a group of girls walked by. Then there were the circles of girls who appeared to have one thing on their mind: guys. The miniskirts, makeup, unbelievable amount of cleavage, and the way they scanned the bar picking out groups of guys to talk to gave that away. Then there were the groups of couples that occupied the booths near the front of the bar. They were enjoying themselves immensely, but would be home at a reasonable hour for one last night of college sex before the real world came knocking on their door tomorrow morning, testing the strength of their relationships as soon as they got out of the college town bubble.
George and Lee scanned the bar and were enjoying themselves and the occasional conversation with a friend or former classmate or former teammate. Whenever the visitor would exit, George and Lee would let the other one in on who that was, how they knew them, and some funny story about something the person did one time. The energy in the bar was electric, and they couldn’t help but get caught up in the excitement and buzz.
When both pitchers were almost empty, George motioned to Lee that they should head back to the bar and get in line for their refills. Lee nodded and they snaked through back to the bar. “Excuse me” was pointless, so it was a lot of shoulder tapping and eventual shoving to make their way. When they finally arrived, Lee let out an exaggerated exhale and waited to get one of the bartenders’ attention.
All of a sudden, Lee felt an arm around him. He wheeled around to see Caitlyn standing behind him holding a half-empty pitcher.
“Leeeeeeee!” She shouted, giving him a hug once he turned around.
“Holy crap! Caitlyn! How are you?” Lee asked enthusiastically.
Caitlyn had lived on the same floor as George and Lee freshman year in Butterfield Hall. She was originally from southern New Jersey in a little town right outside Wildwood. George, Lee, and Caitlyn’s roommate Cara became very close during their first semester of college four years ago.
“Caitlyn! It’s been a minute!” George said giving her a hug himself.
“Hey George! Figured you weren’t too far away if this one was here,” she said putting her arm back around Lee once George’s hug was over.
“Is Cara here?”
George and Cara dated briefly during their spring semester of Freshman year. Cara was on the University of Rhode Island Women’s Crew team, and George worked the graveyard shift at the 24-hour fitness center on campus. As his shift would end, the crew team would be filing in for their 5am workouts. Over time, the two started to get acquainted, and by Winter Break they were talking pretty regularly. Once classes resumed, so did the flirtatious texts between the two. Then, in late February, at a party off campus at a house that a few of the seniors on the Men’s Volleyball team were renting, George made his move. Cara smiled back at him and simply said, “About time.”
However, by Memorial Day the couple was running on fumes and agreed that they’d rather part ways without any contempt for the other. Plus, they both secretly wanted to be single during the summer months back home. The two called it quits on their relationship and remained good friends throughout the rest of their college career.
“George!” Cara shouted from behind them. “What’s up guys!” She said finishing her pitcher of sangria and slamming the plastic container on the bartop.
The foursome talked while they waited for another round of drinks, catching up on their senior year and what their plans were for life after tomorrow. They were hopeful for a future that they were told was full of promise as long as they had worked hard over the past four years. They were excited about jobs and steady paychecks and beginning to climb the corporate ladder. Only Lee seemed to be a little hesitant about the future and reluctant to leave the little bubble of south-east Rhode Island that he called home for the last four years.
Once they had all received their next round, Caitlyn and Cara decided to go outside for a cigarette. George asked if he could join, and not wanting to be left alone in the bar swarmed with his classmates, Lee came along as well. No one in the group was a serious smoker; it was mostly just a habit that they all picked up at one point or another as an excuse to get outside during a crowded house party or during a night at a packed bar.
About halfway through her Camel Light, Cara got a text from their third roommate, Allison. With cigarette clenched between her lips and pitcher of sangria in one hand, she read the text to the group with the other.
“Oh shit. Cait, it’s later than I thought,” she started.
“What time is it? Do we need to help Allison?” Caitlyn asked.
“We probably should get back there. We told her that we’d just swing by Charlie O’s for a beer or two then head back.” Cara and Caitlyn shared a guilty look. “I guess the party’s in full swing. She just texted me asking where we were.”
“Wow, what shitty roommates,” Lee joked.
“Hey, we at least helped get the kegs inside earlier,” Caitlyn said, hitting Lee in the shoulder.
“Yeah!” Cara encouraged, flexing.
Caitlyn and Cara shared another brief look. “You guys wanna come back with us?”
George and Lee agreed that it would be fun and realized that as crowded as Charlie O’s was, there really wasn’t much for them. They’d rather be at a house party with close friends than the fringe acquaintances they would talk to all night here. The two friends went inside to close their tabs out and told the girls that they would meet them at their house on White Swan Drive.
Once their tabs were closed out, George and Lee took off from Charlie O’s, saying goodbye to the run-down building and all the nights they had forgotten inside those four walls. They shuffled down the street, only being a short five minute walk to Caitlyn, Cara and Allison’s house.
“Dude, are you finally going to tell Caitlyn you’re into her?” George asked as they crossed the parking lot.
“What’s the point man? We’re graduating tomorrow,” Lee said as if he had rehearsed this exact response countless times before.
Lee had always had a crush on Caitlyn and was hoping that George and Cara’s relationship freshman year would help get him closer to Caitlyn. On paper, Lee looked like he should be one of the more confident students walking around campus; he was a collegiate athlete around 6-foot-3-inches, from the distant foreign land of Colorado, with light brown hair and a square jawline that would occasionally sport the perfect amount of beard stubble. He had bright blue eyes and seemed to be friends with at least a few people from every social group on campus. Then why did he have such a difficult time talking with co-eds? What was it about a girl he found attractive that turned him into a complete buffoon? Ever since high school, Lee just thought it better to not say anything to the girls he liked and save himself the embarrassment of being turned down.
“Dude! That’s how it starts,” George was trying to convince his good friend. “She knows we graduate tomorrow. You know we graduate tomorrow. Just talk to her at the party and feel out the night. If I’m being honest, she seemed sort of into you at Charlie Bro’s,” George said in a nonchalant tone.
“Shut up,” Lee said, shoving George into the middle of the street.
“I’m just saying. We go back to her house for the very last night of college, everything sort of clicks into place and she starts to figure it out – you’ve dug her for the past four years and there’s … as cliche as it sounds…no tomorrow.”
As they walked down White Swan Drive, houses upon houses of future college grads were celebrating their last night together in these close quarters without a single care in the world. People were outside on balconies smoking cigarettes and sharing “remember when stories” on both sides of the street. As George and Lee walked down the middle of the road, they could hear the perfect blend of heavy bass coming from every single house along the road, the musical tastes varying with every house they passed but somehow in the moment seemed to mesh just perfectly. They saw the silhouetted strangers in every single window and doorway as they glanced in on their walk and overheard shouts of joy erupt; probably caused by a beer pong of flip cup game.
When they finally approached 30 White Swan Drive, they could hear the party before they could see anyone inside. The giant shrub that blocked the first floor view of the street and sat right in the middle of the “U” shaped driveway did its part to hide the house from others. If George hadn’t known exactly which house it was, they would have walked right past it. George walked up the balcony stairs to the second floor with Lee right behind. As they walked through the screen door that led right into the kitchen on the second floor, they were hit with the musty, humid wave of sweaty air that always accompanied house parties. People were sitting on the kitchen counters, playing quarters around the table, or just standing around shouting conversations over the loud music.
Lee recognized a few people right away from their time spent in Butterfield Hall and went right into acquaintance-mode; sharing pleasantries and catching each other up on what the last four years had looked like. George saw a few people he had classes with and got right down to business: where were the kegs. When George caught wind that they were downstairs, he motioned to Lee to follow him and they once again shoved and waded through a sea of humans trying to get to the basement stairs and find two cups and the keg.
Downstairs was more of a zoo than upstairs. One living room was set up with flip cup games and shouts erupting seemingly every ten seconds or so. George peeked in and saw a few bystanders of the game doing some key bumps and trying to lay the seeds of an early exit from the party in hopes to go home with someone. Then, around the bend from the stairs was the “dance floor” or as anyone not about to graduate college would call it, the boiler room. Cement floors that weren’t worried about spills, cement walls, a few single lightbulbs hanging overheard, exposed wires through the unfinished ceiling. This was all this group needed. And there, behind a few dancing co-eds was Allison manning the kegs, pouring pitcher after pitcher, cup after cup of beer for the hundred or so friends packed into this relatively small house.
George and Lee worked their way through the gyrations of the “dance floor” towards Allison and the kegs. As soon as they approached, the two could tell she had already done quite a bit of Adderall and was talking a mile a minute. Her energy seemed to match the people around her perfectly. As soon as the two friends grabbed their beers from Allison, they looked at each other and smiled. They liked the energy of this final college house party. They liked how crowded it was and how cliche everything seemed. They also knew that a house party this crowded with multiple kegs and a smattering of drugs floating around wasn’t going to be ending any time soon; which was really what they wanted. It was their last night of college and they knew they wanted to watch the sun come up before reluctantly staggering home. This was their last night on this alien planet before heading back to Earth and moving on with their lives.
The two scanned the rest of the party downstairs and decided to head back up and try and get in on the quarters game in the kitchen. They still hadn’t seen Caitlyn or Cara, but they were sure they were around somewhere. George and Lee found a few friends at the quarters table and saddled up next to them at the two open seats. The kitchen table was full of people that George and Lee at one point knew. That was the funny thing about college – it was four years of making incredibly close connections and bonds only to be unsure of the next time these people would show up in life.
Lee took a seat next to Ben, who lived across the hall from them their sophomore year. Ben was on his way to being a petroleum engineer and the two roommates always thought he was too smart for his own good. Although they had become close with Ben and his roommate Ryan sophomore year, by September the following year they had all but lost touch. Ben and Ryan ended up living on campus one more year while George and Lee ventured down to Eastward Look to live in a house right across the street from Scarborough Beach. George was seated on the other side of Lee, right next to Ryan.
Others were standing around behind them watching the quarters games, drinking and carrying on their own conversations. The music was pounding throughout the house and the atmosphere was electric. As the quarters clanked and the shots were poured, running jokes were formed and friendships that had all but been extinguished due to distance and differing social circles were reignited one last time.
The night soldiered on and after an hour or so George and Lee had their fill of quarters. They relinquished their seats at the table to two newcomers that didn’t look too familiar. Lee decided to head back downstairs to maybe get in a flip cup game or two and George decided to head outside for a cigarette.
The wrap-around deck on the second floor of 30 White Swan was relatively secluded. There were a few couples on the eastern side, looking out towards the inky black Atlantic and having the typical end-of-college chats. George found a spot on the other side of the house where he could be by himself just for a moment to regroup and re-energize. As he lit his cigarette, he couldn’t help but think about the last four years of his life; who he was at eighteen versus who he was now at twenty two. He thought about the different social groups that he always found interesting and tried to become a part of. For George, though, it was always difficult for him to fit in with just one group. He always felt like there was a little bit of interest here, a little bit of interest there. It definitely made him more well-rounded, but it left him feeling like he was always just a visitor with these friends; passing by and observing their friendships and their close ties while never really finding those roots and those ties himself.
George took a long drag of the Marlboro Red that he was convinced wouldn’t kill him. He blew out a steady stream of smoke through his nostrils and thought about how much time over the past four years he spent trying to figure out his life; figure out who he was and what he wanted to make of himself. He wasn’t looking back in regret or defeat. He was looking back with a sense of nostalgia that comes way too early for a twenty-two year old. George realized that the one thing all of the different groups he had tried to join or just stopped to enjoy for a month or a semester or a year had in common was the fact that they were all full of good people. He meant that. He got along with every single one of them and they were all genuine young adults like he was. And as George snuffed out his cigarette to head back inside and grab another beer, he realized that it didn’t matter what group it was; it didn’t matter what the common interest was that brought them all together; no matter what, the important thing for every single group that he had witnessed over the past four years was the closeness and appreciation for the company of others.
While George went outside to smoke, Lee headed downstairs to check out the action on the first floor when he ran into Caitlyn on the stairs.
“Caitlyn! Where have you been?” Lee said almost a little too enthusiastically.
“Hey! When did you guys get here?” She shouted. Caitlyn had a mixed drink in one hand and a bottle of Burnett’s under the other arm.
“Shit, we’ve been here for like an hour,” Lee said laughing, leaning against the wall to let a couple rush past them hand in hand.
“Oh, damn. I’ve been downstairs on the flip cup table! I have to run this upstairs for the jungle juice,” she said waving the bottle of Burnett’s. “Stick around though! I feel like we’re due for one last late-night-life-talk sessions.” She hugged Lee and ran upstairs into the kitchen.
When they lived in close proximity together four years ago in Butterfield Hall, Lee and Caitlyn always found themselves late at night in the dorm commons; drunk, stoned, or most of the time both. Although they may have been at different parties throughout the night, they seemed to always meet in the lounge and talk. Childhoods, how classes were going, their plans for the future; everything was covered and nothing was off limits. Over time, these talks didn’t just rely on Keystone Light and Burnett’s. On any particular night, if one felt the urge to head down to the lounge to get away from their roommate or just get out of their room for a little bit, sure enough they would find the other down in the lounge. They thought it strange at first that they were always running into each other like that, but they started really taking an interest in having these private little talks that no one else weighed in on or even knew about. Bands they liked, concerts they saw, books they were reading, and high school sweethearts were all regular topics of conversation. Usually, one of them would always have a thought that they needed to get out and hear the opinion of the other. On the rare nights that they didn’t have anything to talk about, they would sit in comfortable silence next to each other on the couch, feet up on the ottoman, waiting for that first thought to bubble up to the surface.
These little late-night meet-ups were never scheduled or planned, yet they lasted throughout their entire freshman year. By the time May came around and it was time for them to head back to their homelands for the summer, they agreed to keep in touch. They wouldn’t talk every night, but when one was in the mood to talk, they could rely on the other to pick up their phone regardless of time.
By the following fall, they tried to pick up right where they left off. It was more of a challenge their sophomore year considering they weren’t living in the same building, but they both made the effort at first. Over time, there grew some distance between the two and the late night life talks grew more and more rare. They were still good friends, just had other things going on in their lives by that point.
Once they were juniors and both living down the line in Scarborough, they began to rekindle their friendship. Although they would never get back to the closeness they shared freshman year, Caitlyn and Lee were definitely closer than they had been the previous year. Now, on the eve of college graduation, Lee agreed with Caitlyn and thought there was no better time to have their last late night life talk than the last night of college.
Lee continued downstairs where the sounds of funk music were building. He could hear the bass riffs pound out over the shouts of excitement coming from the flip cup table. Lee looked around when he reached the bottom step and tried to take in the final scene. The general energy and excitement of the final house party was masking the desperation to keep college going for as long as they possibly could and a reluctance to let it go. The memories of tonight and of the last four years were enough to keep every single person on their feet and in denial that tomorrow would even come.
The shouts from the flip cup game were still as loud as they were a few hours ago, and the “dance floor” was still relatively crowded. Lee knew though that eventually, ultimately sometime soon, these friends and party goers would slowly start to fade and head home. He knew at some point the conversations would slowly start winding away and, even worse, they’d start running out of blow and Adderall.
George came downstairs with a fresh cup of jungle juice and put his arm around Lee who was still standing at the last step, looking out at the sea of classmates. “C’mon, let’s get in on some flip cup,” George said, sensing Lee’s fear of the night ending and ultimately having regret when his head finally hit his pillow later that night. “It’s time for one last stupid decision that we’ll look back on in five years and be glad we made.”
Lee laughed, finishing his cup of jungle juice. “This could be the last time.”
“Here we go.” Lee grabbed more beer from the second keg and the two friends shoved their way into the game.
Before long, Lee’s assumptions of how the night would go came to fruition. The first ones to leave were the couples who didn’t want to be too drunk to share one last night with their college sweetheart. Then, as the jungle juice was drying out, the powders were all snorted, and the kegs became lighter, most of the party goers found the exit and shuffled off into the early morning hours of the last day of college. It was around 4am when the last of the guests decided to finally get a few hours of restless sleep before graduation.
George, Lee, Cara and Caitlin were the last four awake. Lee had introduced one of his former teammates to Allison earlier in the night, and no one had seen them in hours. George was holding an open trash bag as Lee was tossing empty cups and crushed beer cans at him. The two hosts were busy cleaning up the kitchen, proud of themselves for throwing one last, truly great college party.
As the cleaning was coming to an end, George looked at the time. “Jesus, it’s almost 5:30. What time’s graduation?”
“Um, nine I think?” Cara said from couch, eyes closed. She was balancing one final college beer in one hand as she rubbed her temple with the other.
“You know what this would be a great time for?” Caitlin said, popping up from the recliner situated next to the couch. The three others just grunted, too exhausted to guess. “Let’s watch the sunrise down at Scarborough one last time.”
Lee, George and Cara all exchanged looks. As exhausted as they were; as completely worn out and secretly ready for the liver-berating week to finally come to an end with graduation in only four short hours, they all loved the idea.
“C’mon, what are you gonna do instead? Sleep?” Caitlin poked. “What’s one last stupid decision?”
The foursome slowly lurched up from where they were resting. It had been a long night – an even longer weekend – and an incredibly fast four years. None of them could believe this was it. None of them could believe that this was the last time that they would be together for the foreseeable future. These friends, just like the college classes that consumed so much of their time over the past four years, would eventually fade into memories. Not right away, and not tomorrow. But five, ten years from now they would look back at the papers they wrote, the lectures they heard, the rallies they went to, the sporting events they attended, and the friends they made as memories without any sort of tangible totem or souvenirs. George, Lee, Cara and Caitlin would eventually just become memories in each other’s stories; not real people. They would end up just becoming thoughts from a life long gone.
“Let’s go guys. One last sunrise over the Atlantic before we go our separate ways,” Caitlin said, coming out of her bedroom wearing an old URI hoodie from freshman year.
George and Lee slowly stood up and grabbed the half-drunk bottle of Burnett’s on the kitchen counter. They followed the girls out of 30 White Swan for the last time. They shuffled outside in the early morning Rhode Island glow. Although it was early May, it was cold as they huddled together and crossed White Swan, through the brush and down onto the course sandy Rhode Island beach. They trudged through the still-cold sand of Scarborough to a little pavilion where a few benches were perched. Cara and George sat at one while Caitlyn and Lee occupied the other.
There they were, watching the sunrise like they had done countless times before; for the very last time.